How Old Should My Child Be Before I Return To Work
A lot of women like to ask the question: “How old should my child be before I return to work?” This question is asked as if they have to go back to work, and staying at home is just not an option.
I am reading a very interesting book called Handle With Care
Reynolds has really challenged my thinking in a lot of ways, and I would like to share that with you.
Think with me for a moment. How many women with young children do you know that are terribly torn between the two worlds they are responsible for: One being their children, the other being their employment? Their child gets sick and they are forced to face the agonizing decision about whether to call in and get their job mad at them or go to work and leave their child. Then there is always the school’s award ceremony in which your child is being honored, but your boss won’t let you leave your job in order to be at the ceremony. Perhaps you yourself have been in one of these same prediciments, maybe you can even still feel the way making that decision felt.
I touched on these same things in my article concerning The Overworked Mom, but whereas that article was focused on how being a homemaker or stay-at-home mom benefits your marriage, this article is going to focus on how staying at home benefits your children.
It has been said that “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.” Yet, in America today, we find that most children are being raised by strangers and subsitute parents- among these are baby-sitters, day care workers, t.v., etc.
In Stronger Families or Bigger Government, Psychologist Eric Erikson states that “The pre-eminent value created in the first year of life is the capacity to trust.” In order for this to happen the child the child’s Mother is needed to be constantly assessable during this critical time. When a mother is absent, studies show that the baby becomes fretful and seriously depressed.
In “What is Quality Child Care?,” Karl Zinmeister states “Apprently many infants interpret repeated separation from parents as rejection. ” He later states, “One study by child psychologist Jay Belsky found that nearly half of the children who started 20 hours of substitue care before their first birthday developed noticeably insecure attchement to their mothers.”
“Another investigation found that 18 month olds with poor attachments to their mothers had experienced three-and-a half times as much substitue care as children found to be securly attached…5 and 6 year olds who had spent part of early years in Day Care showed…more violent behavior…a higher rate of maladjustments…were more likely to be criers, longer and have more fears.” He also claims they are…less popular, have lower grades in school, have lower study skills, and lower self esteem.”
- Studies show that 1/2 of everything a human learns, they learn before the age of two. The other 1/4 of knowledge is gained before the age of five.
All around the world women are crying out that “It’s their body!” They feel that they should be able to make the choice as to whether the unborn child inside of them is murdered or not. Out of this mess there have arisen people who have taken a stand against these “pro-choice” ideas, and have declared themselves to be “pro-life.” They are literally taking a stand for the unborn child. But I must ask myself, “Who is taking a stand for our young children?” This same movement that is screaming that it is “their body,” are also screaming that working is “their choice.” More people need to stand up for the children being effected by this!
If mother’s are gone during these amazingly psychologically and emotionally important years of a childs life, then who is training our children? Who is instilling their principles and values into YOUR children? Who is going to see your babies take their first steps, hear them utter their first words, hold their hands when they are sick? Some stranger? Daycare worker? Baby-sitter?
Some women will use the excuse that “You don’t understand! We need the money!” The real question you must ask yourself here is whether it is a NEED or a want. I want lots of things, but what I need in order to live, now that is a different story entirely. I want my own car, but we only actually NEED one car. I want to go out to eat every week, but this is not something I NEED. (If you are a single mom or truly do NEED the extra income there is hope for you too, just keep reading.)
In “The Powerful Economics of Mothering,” Allan Carlson gives this example. “Take the educated married woman with one preschooler, who can ear $25,000 a year in a white collar job. Assume, too, that her husband has a salary of $35,000. As she looks at her economic situation, she sees that the marginal federal taxes on her salary total $10,000. State and local taxes gobble up another $1,500: additional auto and transport expenses are $2,000 a year. Her cost for day care with a preschool learning component are $5,000. In sum, the direct costs of her employment are $22,000, leaving her with a cash gain of $3,000 for her efforts. If she is buying reasonably good day care, even that $3,000 will quickly disappear.”
Is that really worth it to not spend the formative years with your children? Are you willing to allow someone else to put their morals and values into your children in order for you to have an extra $3,000 per year?!
If you are a single mom or someone who truly does NEED the income. (Not just want the nicer house, extra car, etc.) If you are in one of these type of situations, my heart hurts for you! I am sure that you probably wish you could stay at home with your children, but don’t fear THERE IS HOPE for you as well!
Most of this article is based on statistics not my opinion. I AM NOT trying to convince everyone that if your a mother and you work you are somehow ungodly! Rather, I hope to open the eyes of those women who are truly trying to make a right decision for their family and are not sure which route they should take. I want women to feel empowered to make right decisions for their families. There are circumstances in which you can juggle working outside of the home and raising young children, but it is not without its stresses. It will be challenging, and you will not be the one with your child at certain times. Someone else will be instilling their opinions, morals, and values into your child.
Titus 2:3-5 state “The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness…teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home…” The New American Standard Bible actually states that they are to be “workers at home.”
This verse makes it clear that your responsibility as a wife/mother is to be a keeper at home, but I love how the New American Standard Bible says to be “workers at home.” For those of you that are single mothers or really do not have any other choice but to work, why not look into working AT HOME? There are more and more jobs out there in which you can “work from home.” You could create your own business, clean a few houses, etc.
Another great work-from-home opportunity is becoming a medical transcriptionist. I personally went through an online program and worked from home until I became a pastor’s wife, and had too much on my plate. I am a living testament that it works! Click 60K/yr From Home in Medical Transcription to find out more! Clark Howard also offers a list of scam-free, real deal work from home links on his site if you are interested.
As mothers we have the huge responsibility and honor of molding lives for eternity. Take the time to really think and pray about the direction that you personally should take in the raising of your children. Never be ashamed of your calling as a mother. You have been called to train the future!
My opinion is that your children need you more than the workforce ever will.
Who is rocking your child’s cradle?
MORE:
Help for an overworked mom
How to Save Money on Groceries
How to Create a Budget that Works
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2 Responses to “How Old Should My Child Be Before I Return To Work”
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I think that this was a very good post Jackie and I appreciate the insight and all of the statistics to back up your comittment to stay home and be a great mother. It is very true the mother’s mold the future of America, by raising the future citizens and leaders. I applaud all mother’s who have chosen to make the committment and choice to be stay-at-home moms.
However, I must agree with Carly. I think you make an extremely valid point in your argument. I believe that the father plays a huge part in raising children also. Alot of families have the conservative view that mom stays at home and father works. Aren’t they both parents and in being so, share the responsibility of raising children? I do not think staying at home with your children should be a gospel and that it is right for every women in the world. There are a lot of personalities that staying at home day in and day out will not jive with, however, I believe that these women can still be excellent mother’s and that the children can still have the bonding and emotional stability of having a comitted and loving mother AS WELL as a comitted and loving father. There are some things that I feel kids miss out on by not having that emotional connection with “Dad” as they do with “Mom”, boys and girls. Many women, as Carly stated, will not feel happy by staying at home and not working, especially if they have put in the time, hard work, and comittment to earning a good career.
Another point I would like to make is that not all women are working outside the home because they “WANT” a bigger house and a bigger car. Self-fulfillment comes from achieving things in life for many people and many women gain a sense of accomplishment and achievement by working. Of course the extra money is nice, but I do not think this is the only reason that women are choosing to be both a mother and a career-minded individual.
I think there is a line that everyone must walk and everyone chooses what works best for them. Sacrificing your children is not an option, so unless there is someone (a father, a grandmother, a grandfather, an aunt, a significant person) that can “cover” for you while you are at work, I believe it would be best for mom to be at home as much as possible (if it is a possibility, maybe only working Part-Time). I do think it is a decision each person must make individually and that there is no “right or wrong – Black or white” way to look at it.
I know fantastic mom’s who have stayed at home and have wonderful children. I also know bad mom’s who have stayed at hom and have terrible children.
In some cases the father may be more temperamentally suited to stay at home with the children, or the father might make less money than the mother or have a less stable job, so it would make more sense for him to stay at home. I’m always impressed by fathers who do this. I think you also need to consider that some women become very unhappy, even resentful of their children, if they feel forced to stay home with them all day. They might choose not to have children in the first place, but if they’ve already got children, it might be better for the mental health of both children and mother if the mother goes back to work.